“We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.”
Sarah-Louise Jordan is a 28-year-old freelance writer from England. A few months ago, she opened her "message request" folder on Facebook and found an unsolicited dick pic from a man who she had never met.
Jordan told BuzzFeed News the message "just said 'hi'" with the photo.
"I think an awful lot of women experience that on the internet," she said. "Either from total strangers, or from men they barely know. It's strange."
Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time. However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following: Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello); How to appear as though you weren't raised by wolves; Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration; How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants) AND Penis reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as: Do I have too much time on my hands? And Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control? (Note: the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger d*** than itself.) Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions: An inventive critique of your pride & joy AND A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully....
from BuzzFeed - USNews http://ift.tt/2fgrbXv
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